I Can't Lose You too
by my-fearless-destiny
Summary: This is a collection of Bellarke drabbles, a ship from a show called The 100. (You should watch it!)
1. It Was Worth The Risk

**Hi guys! I wrote this drabble because someone on Tumblr posted a text post of something they wanted to see and it inspired me to write this. Hope to get more prompts in the future! Review and tell me what you think! =]**

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. **

She knew sending him into Mt Weather was a horrible idea. She had been going over the reasons not to send him there all day, and she knew she was right, it was too great a risk, too much of a gamble. But she also knew how painful it was to continue caring for someone, to get emotionally involved, so she let Lexa's words swallow her whole in order to feel numb. So she could be strong even though she felt anything but. She couldn't allow herself to develop deeper feelings for Bellamy as she had with Finn because this time, losing him would've destroyed her. So she let him go. Now she knows how stupid it was to think it was avoidable when those feelings were already there.

Clarke and Octavia decided to split into two groups and lead them through Mt Weather, the leader and the warrior working together to find the person they care about. They had goals, find the grounders, find their sky people, and make it out alive, but Clarke's main goal was centered around Bellamy. He was there because of her and she had to save him.

Both groups successfully infiltrated Mt Weather but the undergrounders had eyes and ears throughout their territory. Before they knew it, alarms were sounding, people were running and rushing and fighting. They were discovered. Clarke could remember the time she spent trapped there, constantly trying to escape, to get back, to find Finn and Bellamy. It seemed things were swapped around this time, and now she was coming full circle.

She made her way through the underground hallways despite the chaos going on around her. Fighting continued and she was no exception with her loaded gun always pointed and ready, and she used it as necessary. She finally made it to where she was kept before finding the grounder and escaping. Everything was dark, save for a fluorescent light here and there, and the room was different. It was full of cages, slightly different than the ones they used for the grounders, but with the same purpose. They were going to trap them here. All of them.

Clarke continued quietly, getting to the end of the room until she heard a voice.

_"This is all your fault."_

She recognized that voice. The president's son.

_"You contacted your people."_

She inched her way through the space behind the cages, letting his voice guide her closer to where they were.

_"You brought them here."_

She could see them clearer now. Bellamy with his hands up, back straight looking down the barrel of the gun aimed at his chest.

_"All of our people are dying because of you."_

She kept to the shadows, aiming for the president's son but not wanting to hit Bellamy in the process.

_"Now it's your turn." _

His finger started pressing against the trigger. It was now or never.

_"NO,"_ Clarke yelled.

Everything happened quickly, but it felt as if she was watching everything in slow motion. He turned around. She pulled the trigger. He pulled his. The both fell.

_"Clarke!"_ yelled Bellamy. He rushed over to her, stepping over the barely breathing form of the president's son, blood coming out of his chest.

_"Clarke, Clarke look at me," _he said.

Her eyes fluttered, and he let out what small amount of breath he had left in his lungs. She tried to sit up but she yelped in pain, blood coming out of her shoulder wound.

_"That was stupid! You could've been killed! Why would you do that?!" _he asked.

A breath escaped her lips as she brought her eyes to his. She could see him a little clearer, his brown eyes filled with confusion and relief and maybe something else.

_"It was worth the risk_," she answered, and the incredulity and longing that his expression answered her back with made the pain that much more bearable.


	2. Hope In Hallucinations

**Hi again! I didn't expect to post a new drabble up so soon, but with the new episode today and the promo for next week's episode, emotions ran pretty high. This one was again inspired by a tumblr text post of something someone wanted to see, and it inspired me to write it out. I hope you like it! Please review and tell me what you think! =]**

The plan rested on him getting in. He was in, but he had no idea how to get out, or how to save everyone else in the process. They had been going at this for hours and he had bits of consciousness what seemed like every couple of hours or so. He lost track of time. He could've been in there for two days or two weeks. Time couldn't be kept when you blacked out for extended periods of time. He woke up, blinking to better control his fuzzy vision. Bellamy found himself upside down again, hanging from huge pipes in the ceiling. Blood was rushing through his head and he could feel it trying to make its way back to his heart.

He'd never been through this kind of torture before. They more than poked and prodded; they sprinkled cold water on him, monitored his reactions, pulled out a tooth or two and gave him injections full of liquids he didn't know. Each new experiment they did on him only brought on new kinds of pain, things he didn't even know were possible to feel. He felt like he was dying, only he knew that they had to keep him alive. These experiment weren't for nothing, they were going to use him for something, one way or another.

The only thing that brought him sporadic relief was thinking about the one person he knew was counting on him, the person he knew believed in him, even though she was the reason he was here in the first place. She wouldn't have sent him down here if she didn't think it were possible right? She was his partner, his co-leader. He could trust her, after everything they had been through on earth, after the teasing and distrust from belonging to different worlds that existed on the same ship, Bellamy knew that he allowed himself to feel more than trust for her. Clarke just inspired everything in people.

_"I'm here for you," Clarke said. "I hear you have a gun."_

_Bellamy pulled up the side of his shirt, revealing a handgun he had gotten on the arc. _

_"Good follow me," she said _

_"And why would I do that?" Bellamy asked._

_"Because you want them to follow you, "Clarke responded. "And right now, they're thinking only one of us is scared."_

He was used to Octavia challenging everything he said and did but no one else ever talked to him like that, especially any of the girls he had ever interacted with on the arc. From the beginning she questioned him, taunted him and challenged him. It brought a smirk to his lips thinking about it now, the way she wouldn't back down no matter how hard he pushed her, the way she commanded attention the way he did. The way she was always hardened and sure in her ways even when it went against all of his plans, everything he was trying to avoid after what he did to secure a spot on the drop ship.

_The only way the arc is going to think I'm dead is if I'm dead. Got it?_

Bellamy got it. He didn't necessarily agree at the time. As a matter of fact, he was adamant about getting those bracelets off of everyone, no matter the cost, but Clarke was a powerhouse of her own and she wasn't going to submit. She worked his nerves and he wasn't sure whether he was more intrigued or annoyed until she almost fell into the grounder trap trying to retrieve Jasper. Instinct kicked in and he grabbed her arm to save her before he could fully register what he was doing.

That was when he saw her, _really_ looked at her and saw that maybe intrigue was outweighing the annoying part just a little bit more than he thought. After that day, he kept a slight eye on her, seeing how strong she was, how often she didn't smile and how smart she was.

Then the fog came and Alex got caught in it and he was faced with another choice to take away someone's life. Until Clarke found him and relief and despair flooded through him and she started humming. A low humming sound made its way out of her and he was stunned, wondering how exactly she thought humming would help him, until she took the knife and ran her fingers through Alex's hair before putting the knife into his carotid artery. She hummed until the light left his eyes, and Bellamy knew that his first impressions of her were wrong. She was more than a princess. He was grateful for what she did, and she kept showing him just how different she was from anyone he had ever met.

This time they injected him with something that made him feel like his heart was going to explode out of his chest. More cold water was splashed on him, more notes were taken. Is this what is meant by death becoming something you'd wish for in the light of living with this kind of pain? He was starting to lose hope, drowning in despair.

_"Can you wish on this kind of shooting star?" Clarke asked. _

_Bellamy looked to his left at Clarke looking up at the sky, confounded by her question. She looked up at him, her eyes displaying several kinds of emotions to him at once. _

_"Forget it," she said. _

_"I wouldn't even know what to wish for," he admitted. It was the truth. Should he wish for his and Octavia's survival? Should he wish for the arc to see their message? Should he wish for Clarke? _

_"What about you?" he asked her. _

_Bellamy looked over at her again, her face illuminated by the light from the sparklers and the fire. He never really did get a direct answer to that question, but he had a feeling that he didn't need one. He knew what she would wish for. Maybe wishing for Clarke was hopeless._

Bellamy knew what he would wish for now. He wished to see Clarke again, to get out of that torture chamber, to hug Octavia, to continue having hope for his survival.

He remembered the words he'd said to Clarke during a time that felt like so long ago: _Who we are and who we need to be to survive are two different things._

Bellamy would do whatever it took to survive. To make it out and back to Clarke the same way she made it back to him, whatever it cost him to do it. He just needed to survive.

Bellamy blinked his way back into consciousness again and he let hate fill his body. He started imagining everything he would do to these people if he ever got the chance to escape. He imagined torturing them with injections and pulling their teeth out, he imagined making them feel every ounce of pain that they made him feel and more. He imagined having a gun, and the thought of guns brought him back to a different time, when he was still a leader and he felt stronger than he did now.

_"Ready to be a badass Clarke?" Bellamy asked, the excitement from finding guns still radiating off of him. _

_"Look, I'm not gonna fight you on bringing guns back to camp. I know we need them, but don't expect me to like it," she responded. He knew her distaste for guns went deep after the things that had been happening in the camp lately, but he also knew that they didn't stand a chance without having guns to defend themselves against the grounders. _

_"We're lucky the rifles were packed in grease. The fact that they survived means that we're not sitting ducks anymore," Bellamy said, trying to put Clarke more at ease. _

_"You need to learn how to do this," he said. He needed to make sure she knew how to defend herself, how to shoot even a little bit. He was slightly surprised when she didn't argue, and instead she held the gun up, pointing toward the big X across from them. _

_"So I just hold it on my shoulder?" Clarke asked. _

_"Yeah, a little higher" he answered, putting his hand on her shoulder trying to position her correctly. He let himself linger near her for a little bit, allowed himself to study her in a way where she couldn't see him. _

_Bellamy realized he'd lingered a little too long, stuttering a little bit and telling her to "watch and learn," only his gun didn't shoot. Once, then twice. _

_"Still watching," she drawled, always insisting on testing him, although he liked that she did that. He watched her shoot, heard her exhale the breath she was holding until she said "That was amazing." _

_Bellamy smiled at that, recognizing the rush it felt to hold power over a gun but also liking that she was still able to surprise herself with her strength, and he was showing it to her this time. That night they ended up saving each other from almost dying, and she said she needed him. Bellamy had felt needed before; his mother needed him to take care of his sister, to become a soldier for the arc and his sister needed him to protect her. But Clarke's need seemed different. She didn't necessarily need him to protect her, she was strong on her own, but she needed a partner, an equal, someone to lean on. And he recognized that night that in return, he could lean on her too, and that was something he never had before. _

Reminiscing on that night, all Bellamy could think about before going unconscious was that he hoped Clarke would be able to save him again.

Bellamy remembered what it felt like to lose Clarke, to wonder about where she was, whether she was okay. He and Finn had common ground when it came to finding Clarke, to having an inherent need to know whether she was alive, to having a need to see it for themselves. Bellamy and Finn just happened to go about it in different ways. Bellamy remembered clear as day the surprise he felt when he realized it was Clarke that was hugging him. That it was Clarke he felt up against him, alive and okay and safe. He remembered what it felt like to finally hug her, to have her in his arms, to let out the huge breath and pressure that had built up inside of him since Clarke closed the doors of the drop ship. She was there. She was safe. She was his.

He remembered Octavia's words: _Now there's something I thought I'd never see._

Bellamy remembered sitting by the fire, looking over at Clarke's sleeping face, still feeling the continued relief, the safety and security he felt of having her back. Bellamy hoped he'd get to feel that again, he hoped he'd get to see her again.

He's starting to lose focus, to lose hope. Now all he can hear are Clarke's words: _I can't lose you too._

Bellamy is trying to hold on, to ensure that she won't lose him. He's trying to stay alive, but living is becoming too hard, too painful. He keeps replaying her words, despite the fact that she claimed she was being weak when she said them. He remembers being surprised at that, he couldn't remember a time that she was ever weak. Bellamy knows that dying would hurt Octavia, would destroy the sky people trapped in mount weather, would hurt Clarke. _He'd do anything for her, to protect her. It just makes sense._

So he fights. He feels every wound, every bit of pain they inflict on him. He takes note of his surroundings more often, trying to become immune to the treatments, immune to pain, and he finds his way out.


	3. On the Other Side

**Hi lovelies! I hope you're all doing well! This new one is my interpretation of what may have been going through their heads during their walkie talkie conversation they had last night. *feels* I hope you guys like it! **

**Please review and tell me what you think! I love getting feedback and opinions. Also, feel free to send me any prompts/scenarios or lines you want incorporated into a drabble (maybe something you want Clarke/Bellamy to say to each other something another character to says to one of them or something) and I'll write something up! **

**Random question: Author's note in the beginning or the end? Anyone have a preference?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. **

"What is my job?" Clarke yelled, frustration clouding her voice. Clarke wasn't one to just give up, but after the day she had, she wasn't sure where her place was anymore. Her mom had been overruling her constantly and while everyone was losing hope, she was busy trying to convince everyone of Bellamy's success, of the fact that if anyone could make it in, it was him. But everyone was losing hope, and it was getting exhausting being the only one with blind faith when everyone was telling her to open her eyes.

"I don't know, to come up with something!" Raven yelled back. She had been responding back to Clarke with quips, and although it didn't always read on her face, Clarke appreciated it. She appreciated having a sound board of sorts, one that kept her afloat and slightly tethered to reality. Raven challenged her, expected things from her, and she needed that when Abby was constantly tearing her down.

"I've tried-" Clarke began, but she never got to finish that thought, because a familiar voice rang through the radio.

_Camp Jaha, this is mount weather. Can anyone read me? _

This was what she had been waiting for, what she was busy convincing everyone of. Bellamy had made it. After days of defending him and her belief in him, here was proof that she was right, that she put her trust into the right person yet again. Raven handed her the walkie and Clarke grabbed it, bracing herself with a quick lick of her lips.

"Bellamy?" she asked.

"Clarke?" Bellamy responded, a hopeful tinge in his voice.

At hearing him say her name, incredulity spread through her like fire. Until then, she didn't realize just how much she missed his voice, missed his presence right beside or behind her, supporting her when she needed it. Bellamy was a reminder of all she had endured since arriving on the ground. He reminded her of who she was now, of how strong she'd become and how she was a leader, despite what her mother had tried to instill in her.

Clarke let out a small breath of relief, and she also realized how much she had meant those five words she had said to him not too long ago.

_I can't lose you, too. _

And she was right. She couldn't lose him. It had been too much of a risk to send him out in the first place, but she kept those thoughts and feelings at bay, deciding instead to have hope for his success.

Clarke felt herself smile, and it felt a little weird to her. She hadn't smiled since before Finn died, and here she was, feeling the utmost joy and strength that only Bellamy could bring out in her.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"I'm fine. We have to talk fast. Something has changed. Jasper, Monty, everyone, they just locked them in the dorm," Bellamy responded.

Clarke had been so wrapped up in how relieved she felt at Bellamy's being alive that she hadn't allowed herself to think about the rest of them. Her people.

"But they're alive? All of them?" she asked.

"I think so, for now. Maya says that they're already using their blood, and things are gonna get ugly in here real fast," he said.

Clarke remembered when their roles were reversed, and she was the one escaping from mount weather. She had spent a lot of time telling Bellamy about what happened to her while she was trapped there, telling him about Maya, the girl Jasper seemed so enamored by.

"Maya is with you?" she asked.

"She helped me escape. If not for her, I'd be dead. And Clarke, there are kids in here. We need a plan that doesn't kill everyone. Please tell me we have one," Bellamy pleaded.

Maya, the girl she threatened with a piece of class when she woke up in mount weather. Who would've thought this girl would play an imminent part in helping her people escape? Who would've thought she would owe her for saving Bellamy's life?

"I hear you, but we can't do anything until you disable the acid fog. Raven is gonna help you," she said.

"Got it, what else?" Bellamy asked.

Clarke's mind started working a mile a minute, trying to come up with new ideas to help him.

"You have to figure out a way to free the Grounder prisoners. There's a whole army inside that mountain, and they don't even realize it," she said. She started believing in their complete success again, at the prospect of seeing all of her people together once more, at being reunited with Bellamy.

"Trojan horse. Good plan," he said. At this point, she shouldn't be surprised at his knowledge, referencing yet another story she grew up reading.

"What does Maya think? Is it doable?" she asked.

"She says it's not a problem. Look, if I'm going to pull this off, I need you to buy me some time. It won't be long before they realize I don't belong here, and if that happens…" he trailed off.

"That can't happen," she said sternly, "I'll come up with something."

After all, Raven did say that was her job. She was going to make sure she was really good at it.

"Come up with it quick" Bellamy said.

"Copy that. And Bellamy…" Clarke trailed off, hesitating, trying to figure out the right words to say.

"Yeah?" he said.

"You came through. I knew you would," she said. And it was true, the only thing she didn't waver in was her belief that he would succeed, and she was right. He did.

"All I've done so far is not get killed," he said.

That was what she needed most, and she was grateful for just his survival.

"Keep doing that," she said. _I need you_, she thought. But she wouldn't let those words leave her lips, not yet, not at least until he was right in front of her, hugging her like she hugged him when she came back.

Clarke felt herself picking up the pieces of her she had felt slipping away. Knowing now that Bellamy was alive, that he needed her and depended on her was all she needed to bring her back into reality, into being a leader again. She handed the radio back to Raven, determination flowing through her. She would give him as much time as he needed. She would make sure that Bellamy came home.

After being tortured, electrocuted and almost caught, Maya finally led him to where he could get in contact with Camp Jaha. It was one more step toward getting out of mount weather, and he would do whatever it took to get him and his people out of there. He could only hope that he could get through and that someone was on the other end to receive his message.

"Camp Jaha, this is mount weather. Can you read me?" Bellamy asked.

Each second that went unanswered his heart dropped a little more, until he heard the one voice he never expected to hear coming from the other end.

"Bellamy?" she asked. How many times had he imagined her voice since he'd been caught? How many times had he imagined their last interaction? How many times did he wish to get out of there just to see her, to give her a hug the way she did when she escaped?

"Clarke?" he asked shifting his weight and leaning against the wall, bracing himself. He needed to make sure that what he was hearing was real. The surprise he felt at it being her who answered was evident on his face, and he inhaled a little, trying to get some air and not helping the slight smirk he had on his face. This was one of the most pleasant surprises he'd had in his life. Somehow, they always made it back to one another.

Bellamy had been replaying his last moments with Clarke over and over again, questioning what changed.

_I can't lose you, too. _

Hadn't that been what she said? He couldn't deny her anything, and so he stopped with his grand plan, always making sure Clarke was okay, always protecting her. He knew it shouldn't have, but those five words allowed him to hope, just a little bit. Clarke wasn't so openly free with her words, and if she was declaring out loud that he was important to her, that wasn't something he could take lightly.

Until she told him to go. Until she changed her mind and decided that sending him to mount weather was important.

_It's worth the risk._

Something had happened. Something changed her, turned her a little harder on the inside for just a little while. And what could he say? He couldn't really deny her anything. Him leaving was proof of that.

"Are you alright?" Clarke asked.

He flashed back to being in a cage, strung upside down. But he prevailed, he made it through with Maya's help. He survived.

"I'm fine. We have to talk fast. Something has changed. Jasper, Monty, everyone, they just locked them in the dorm," he responded. Bellamy thought back to Jasper's face, incredulity written all over it mixed with some hope. Bellamy knew he needed to help them. He needed to get them out.

"But they're alive? All of them?" she asked.

"I think so, for now. Maya says that they're already using their blood, and things are gonna get ugly in here real fast," he said.

"Maya is with you?" she asked.

Bellamy remembered the first night that he spent with Clarke after she escaped. They filled each other in on what had happened while they were away. Later that night he watched her sleep, and he wondered how long it had been since she'd been able to sleep peacefully, without being worried about having to escape. She trusted him, enough so that she fell asleep right beside him, knowing that he would protect her no matter what.

"She helped me escape. If not for her, I'd be dead. And Clarke, there are kids in here. We need a plan that doesn't kill everyone. Please tell me we have one," he explained.

He thought back to the pre-schooler with blonde hair, talking about a father he wouldn't see again. One that almost killed him. He owed the boy, owed him a life where he could grow up, be stronger and better than his father was.

"I hear you, but we can't do anything until you disable the acid fog. Raven is gonna help you," she said.

"Got it, what else?" Bellamy asked.

"You have to figure out a way to free the Grounder prisoners. There's a whole army inside that mountain, and they don't even realize it," she said.

Bellamy thought back to the grounder girl in the cage. They'd formed a bond; she owed him her life and she repaid it by helping him save himself. Perhaps the other grounders would listen to her, and she would know that he could be trusted. This could work, he realized. Another step closer to home, another step closer to Clarke.

"Trojan horse, good plan," he said. He could always depend on Clarke to come up with something.

"What does Maya think? Is it doable? Clarke asked.

Bellamy looked over at Maya, a look of distress on her face, the shake of her head. But he knew this was the only way out, and if he and Clarke worked together they had a chance. There was nothing they couldn't accomplish together. He need her to believe, to believe this could work and to believe in him.

"She says it's not a problem. Look, if I'm going to pull this off, I need you to buy me some time. It won't be long before they realize I don't belong here, and if that happens…" he trailed off.

"That can't happen," she said sternly, "I'll come up with something."

"Come up with it quick" Bellamy said. They wouldn't be them if he didn't put a little bit of pressure on her. It was nothing she couldn't handle. She was forged of iron, she just hadn't known before. He hoped she knew now.

"Copy that. And Bellamy…" Clarke trailed off.

"Yeah?" he said.

"You came through. I knew you would," she said.

Clarke did believe in him, then. She believed he'd get through, that he'd contact her. He needed to make sure she kept believing. Bellamy needed that in order to believe it himself, to believe he could save everyone, like he always tried to.

"All I've done so far is not get killed," he said. It was the truth. He went against Lovejoy, escaped with Maya's help, tried not to be recognized.

"Keep doing that," she said with determination in her voice.

That was the Clarke he knew, the one that stood by her beliefs. The one born to lead; not Helen of Troy, though she had been beautiful enough to start a war, but more like Athena, a goddess of war, of wisdom, of heroic endeavor. She was something all her own.

Now he had new words to think about.

_Keep doing that_.

Bellamy would make sure to live by them. To stay alive, not just because he wanted to live, to meet up with Clarke again, but simply because she asked. He couldn't deny her anything.


End file.
